Essential Christian Leadership 2

This is the second post in a series about essential practices of Christian Leadership. 

1. Saved by Grace Through Faith, and Not by Works (February 8, 2022)
2. Confession and Forgiveness.

Works-righteousness, the problem we all face, means that a person frequently internalizes and hides the things that make them less than perfect. Who can blame them? It is very risky to be open and transparent about your flaws, and/or your injuries! If that kind of information ends up in the wrong hands, a person could use that against you. This is why pastors are bound to confidentiality when people confess their personal problems to us. The only exception to this, as with mental health professionals, is when we receive information about a person being a dangerous threat to themself or someone else. Pastors are ethically and legally bound to intervene when we are aware that someone will likely harm themself or others.

Luther writes in the Small Catechism:

“What is confession? Confession consists of two parts. One is that we confess our sins. The other is that we receive the absolution, that is, forgiveness, from the pastor as form God himself and by no means doubt but firmly believe that our sins are thereby forgiven before God in heaven.”

Formalized private confession in my experience is very rare. I can count on one hand the number of times a person wanted to meet with me for the specific stated reason of “Confession and Forgiveness.” However, I could not possibly count the number of times “informal confession and forgiveness” have occurred. So frequently people want to talk to me about something, and as we talk the conversation can take twists and turns so that what ends up happening is Confession and Forgiveness. How does this happen?

When someone is sharing with you, they will usually drop clues about things that challenge them. As a listener you have a choice to gloss over the awkward or painful things, or to gently ask people to share more, if they would like. Glossing over a statement would be like saying, “Well I’m sure you’ll feel better,” or changing the subject. If, as a listener, you aren’t comfortable with someone sharing deeply you may choose to gloss over. But if you are in a spiritual place of wanting to do ministry with someone, then you might try saying, “Wow, was that difficult?” Asking open ended questions gives people the opportunity to share more if they would like. It’s important to be aware that people may not want to share more either, in which case moving on is fine.   

Once a person has shared with you some difficult things in their life, don’t hesitate to tell them the core essential truth of Christianity: You Are Saved By Grace Through Faith, And Not By Your Works! This is a healing thing to tell someone, because:

1. If they have been hurt, you will tell them that they are not being punished by God, because God is full of Grace and abounding in steadfast love.
2. If they did something wrong or hurt someone, you are not minimizing their mistake, but helping them to trust in God to not abandon them, but to forgive them, and help them to make things right.

Confession isn’t just about stuff that ‘s bad: sin, death, the devil. Confession is also about confessing faith in God, and sharing about good things and blessings that have happened to you. You can help nurture faith in others by affirming the good things that have happened in their life, and the good things that they have accomplished; and mentioning God’s grace at work in them. “Wow, thank you for telling me about that wonderful thing that happened in your life! Do you think that is an example of God’s grace?”

Finally, Confession and Forgiveness can be reframed into a very informal pattern of checking in with people. In our house, we call this, “Highs and Lows.” Others call it “Roses and Thorns, or Mountains and Valleys, etc.” This is about taking time with friends, families, or whomever to share about things that are positive and enjoyable as well as things that are challenging and maybe negative. Take time with people to do “Highs and Lows,” and when people share with you deeply, don’t hesitate to mention God’s grace.